25 May, Wednesday
39° C

No To a Banana: A Reenactment of My Thesis

I don’t usually say no. But with bananas, I gotta put my foot down. Whenever I would skip meals as a child my mother would ask me to eat a banana. There they would be on the yellow rack, with black spots growing day-by-day. I would rather rot in hell. Hear that mom? HELL. (Love youu…)


Anyway, I’ve never liked bananas, except for this one time my friend gave me some of her Charcoal + Gravel famous banana bread to test out (thanks And that other time I liked the Loafology banana bread. I guess I must really like bread, because I refuse to admit I like them.


Yes, it IS about the bread. You see, overpowered with flavors like cinnamon and chocolate, the yellow tube loses it shitty flavor and somehow manages to supplement desserts. Surprisingly enough, that’s the only banana-based dessert I like. Banoffee pie, no thanks. Smoothies and shakes, catch ya later. Banana splits and fritters? You’re gonna make me throw up.


I hate bananas so much I spend valuable time hating on them when I could be raking in the cashish. Too much time, in fact. Check out this video I made of disgusting bananas while I was on the clock:


Disgusted yet?? I BET. Check out our YouTube channel for more disgusting crap. Subscribe too, you MONKEY.




I have a lot of beef with the banana, with the consistency, with the boomerang shape, and with the silly ass color. Because yellow is for taxis and lemons, you big dum dum.


Bananas are for monkeys, for Mario Kart weapons, for posing with. Bananas are not food. Don’t eat bananas.


I get it, bananas are full of nutrients that a growing boy like myself needs on a daily basis. But I also need my ounce of stubbornness every now and then. And stubbornness trumps all other feelings.


Next up, NO to a Tomato.





Looks like I lied: I used banana here. See ya!

Shameel finds himself being careless when trying to be carefree and eating nuggets when he wants to be fat-free. He’s an ‘overall picture’ kinda guy even though he seems to want to micromanage people taking out the trash. You’ll probably find him starry-eyed in the conference room, still explaining a ‘revolutionary’ idea that was shot down last week.

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