Kimchi: Wait Till You Get A Whiff Of This

My sister has a friend, let’s call her V. V’s mom is a homemaker, and she’s Korean. That means, that V and her friends, and her friend’s gluttonous sister by extension, get to try all sorts of exciting Korean foods. I’m not talking about your basic (delicious) Korean BBQ and Korean fried chicken. V’s mom takes things to the next level. She’ll serve up deep, unending bowls of piping warm Bibimbap that’ll warm your soul like the tender embrace of a gentle lover on a cold winter’s night, among other things. But what I want to talk about is kimchi.

Now I’ll admit, I’m a bit uncultured so I had no idea what kimchi was. I’d heard the name in conversation but assumed it one of the countless Korean boy bands my sister’s friends are obsessed with. Wrong. Kimchi is even more delicious than my boy Choi Siwon (who’d have thought). Turns out kimchi is fermented cabbage. Apparently, Koreans are super in to fermented food and that shit is really good for, well, your shit.

V’s mom served some up as a condiment during one of her weekly feats and that night, your girl was set. So naturally a few weekends back I asked V’s mom to score me some for my tummy problems (sorry for the TMI). V’s mom has some super-secret dealer who sells Korean pantry staples out of a very small room in a very large villa in Gulberg. Sourcing certain foreign ingredients is gangsta stuff in Lahore and thus requires prohibition era masterful fuckery. The entire operation is super low key, and if you’re not Korean you’re not getting in. Luckily V’s mom and I are pretty tight if I do say so myself. Therefore, I’m now the proud owner of a massive-ass jar of legit AF kimchi. Sure it smells a little off, but who doesn’t?

Before you turn your nose at me and my kimchi, get this: fermented food is actually good for you. There’s some fancy science behind it, something about probiotics and good bacteria and gut health. Don’t be such a square, read up on it. The good people of Korea caught onto this a few centuries ago and kimchi can be found in any self-respecting salt of the earth Korean grandma’s pantry. Not that V’s mom looks like a grandma at all. Hope we’re still on for lunch tomorrow, Mother of V.